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emilywk: remusyoulittleshit: floki-the-littlest-viking: justplainsomething: urulokid: markruffal...

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emilywk:

remusyoulittleshit:

floki-the-littlest-viking:

justplainsomething:

urulokid:

markruffalo:

electro-monk:

Petition for all the Marvel actors to agree that whenever Scarlett gets a blatantly sexist question one of the Chrises just takes it instead.

You have my signature.

this just made my day thank you mr ruffalo

Okay, I checked and that is in fact Ruffalo’s official tumblr. 

So I guess we can say we have a Hulk?

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I love Mark Ruffalo and his willingness to engage with his fans. 

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Disney Plot Summaries (Minus the Magic)

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Jilly Gagnon’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves:

A teenage runaway, broken by years of psychological and physical abuse at the hands of her stepmother, moves in with seven middle-aged men, becoming their domestic slave. After several months hiding out in their filthy hovel (it’s so rundown that dozens of varieties of vermin infest it), Snow White’s stepmother finds her and, enraged, escalates her abuse so drastically that she leaves the young girl in a coma.

Though Snow White eventually recovers, she’s so psychologically scarred that she’s unable to break out of the cycle of abuse, instead seeking a relationship with a man who forced himself upon her comatose body in the woods.

Toy Story:

Like many young children, Andy isn’t particularly good at caring for his things, which results in him losing first his spaceman, then his cowboy action figures.

He eventually finds them under the backseat of the car, but by this point, Andy’s experiencing the first signs of oncoming adolescence, and will permanently abandon the toys soon, anyway.

Aladdin:

A clever street urchin follows the royal vizier into an underground treasure room. While there, he manages to steal a lamp.

Emboldened by his success, the young man progresses to more and more elaborate cons, eventually convincing the sultan that he’s a visiting royal seeking the princess’s hand.

Though the royal vizier alerts the royal family to the ruse, the princess enjoys slumming, and manipulates her father—half-witted due to generations of inbreeding between the royal houses—into letting her marry the up-jumped beggar.

Frozen:

It is extremely cold in Scandinavia, no matter when you visit.

The Little Mermaid:

A mute girl, Ariel, charms the royal court with her simple-minded capers, including imaginary friendships with potential menu items, a comically lacking sense of proper table etiquette, and occasional nudity.

Her antics at the royal wedding, however, make it impossible for the prince to keep her at court any longer. Her current location is unknown.

Beauty and the Beast:

A beautiful young girl is sold by her father to a cruel prince in exchange for leniency for his own crimes against the prince’s property.

Imprisoned and separated from all human contact, the girl eventually experiences an extreme psychotic break, and begins conversing regularly with objects around the castle.

After several months of imprisonment, she falls in love with her captor, refusing to return to her tiny village even after her father’s debt is considered paid. Though townspeople describe the prince who has imprisoned her as a swarthy, hideous man, she seems to truly believe that he looks like a woman in a shampoo commercial.

The Jungle Book:

Due to continuing overpopulation problems and severe poverty in the more rural regions of India, a woman is forced to abandon her newborn baby in the jungle.

He is quickly eaten by wolves. Or panthers. Or tigers. It’s hard to find that sort of information out after the eating has happened.

Read more Disney Plot Summaries (Minus the Magic) at The Toast.

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Courtney
2 hours ago
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"Though townspeople describe the prince who has imprisoned her as a swarthy, hideous man, she seems to truly believe that he looks like a woman in a shampoo commercial."
Boston, MA
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Yeah, Nicole and Mallory Got Our Auras Read. Wanna Fight About It?

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auras Yeah, we got our auras photographed and analyzed. Wanna fight about it? We had our Toast Retreat in Sedona. You have to get your aura photographed in Sedona. You go to Philadelphia, you eat a cheesesteak; you go to the Vortex Capital of Arizona, you pay a friendly, long-haired lady in a white lace shawl to take a picture of your aura. Shut up. We each got a 23-page report about our auras and chakras and stress levels and heart openness, and you’re lying if you say you wouldn’t do the same thing.

Oh, but couldn’t you have spent that money more productively, like donated it to a thing or investing or a nice hat? Yes, probably. Are auras and chakras even part of the same spiritual tradition? I dunno, man. Isn’t this just another example of wealthy Americans appropriating various authentic rituals from various cultures, then garbling them into useless spiritual tchotchkes? Honestly, you’re being really combative about this, and I don’t think taking a picture of your aura is authentic to anything.

We had the option of buying a four-page report. Who on earth would pay for a meager four-page report about themselves? You’ve already decided to have your aura photographed and listen to a stranger talk about how you hold all your emotions in your throat; you’re not interested in just getting the basics. You’re deep in the desert of the feels.

One of our reports was more accurate than the other. Here is Nicole, with her MASSIVE, CRYSTAL-CLEAR BLUE-GREEN AURA:

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 11.19.23 AM

“Deep green people are quick-minded, goal-oriented, social, material, communicative organizers.”

And here is Mallory, with her BULLSHIT MUDDY “INDIGO’ AURA THAT HAS A STUPID GREEN HAT ON IT INSTEAD OF THE SOUL OF ORANGE AND RED FLAME THAT SO OBVIOUSLY BURNS WITHIN ME:

Screen Shot 2014-07-29 at 11.30.13 AM

“Clarity, calm, deep inner feelings, loving, loyal, introverted, inner values, artistic.” LIKE HELL.

Yes, of course, I look beautiful and beatific beyond the lot of mortal women, but this is cold comfort.

Aura Size

NICOLE: “A strong and powerful radiance. Other people can feel your strong aura. Use your charisma and aura power to achieve your goals and dreams.” ACCURATE

MALLORY: “You have an average aura, with radiant energy. You can achieve your goals by increasing your aura even more and focusing on your goals.” WHAT

Chakra Intensity

MALLORY: “You have a balanced, harmonious heart chakra, signifying openness and deep inner feeling.” WHAT

NICOLE: “You have a large, overactive, high-energy throat chakra.” ACCURATE

MALLORY: “Low creativity, intellectual and analytical thinking or playful qualities. Have more fun and joy in your life, increase your creativity.” WHAT

MALLORY: “You have a slightly unbalanced, underactive throat chakra; you may have limited emotional and verbal expression and difficulty communicating your emotions.” WHAT

Stress Levels

NICOLE: “The relaxation graph shows your physical relaxation or stress level and is mainly based on your body temperature. You have a high relaxation level, very balanced and high energy.” ACCURATE

Emotiometer

MALLORY: “Centered, stable, unemotional, passive, does not express emotions easily, keeps emotions inside.” HOW MUCH MORE EXPRESSING DO YOU WANT ME TO DO

NICOLE: “Very emotional and sensitive, expresses emotions freely.” FUCK YOU NICOLE

Unbalanced emotions

MALLORY: “Your right male active body side has a higher energy level than your left female passive side.” HOW VERY DARE YOU

NICOLE: “Your female, left side of your body seems to be more active than your right active masculine side.” NICOLE IS THE DIVINE MOTHER

MALLORY: “Are you more concerned about others than yourself? You may find it difficult to set your boundaries and to say NO.” I AM IN A COMMITTED SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BOUNDARIES

MALLORY: “Clear deep blue shows your desire to be of service. You may be introverted, feeling misunderstood, not wanting to deal with the world. You may need to escape through dreams and fantasies.” WHAT

NICOLE: “Clear, bright and rich greens indicate that you are an outgoing and social person. You make a great friend.” KING NICOLE, EVERYBODY LOVES HER

MALLORY: “Indigos have no need to understand mental concepts…Their honesty and friendly attitude can lead to many opportunities creatively and in business. Their bodies may be delicate.” BULLSHIT

NICOLE: “Greens usually accept the authority of others without offering any resistance.” AT LAST

Read more Yeah, Nicole and Mallory Got Our Auras Read. Wanna Fight About It? at The Toast.

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Courtney
2 hours ago
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I need to go to Sedona with a few of my friends IMMEDIATELY
Boston, MA
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1 public comment
grammargirl
2 days ago
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New goal: Start yelling I AM IN A COMMITTED SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BOUNDARIES at dudes hitting on me in bars.
Brooklyn, NY

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medievalpoc: [TW: harassment threats stalking violence...

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medievalpoc:

[TW: harassment, threats, stalking, violence, slurs, racism]

So, someone decided to post this submission with a link to medievalpoc to a subreddit called “Tumblr In Action” this morning.

I’ve posted about this before.

Let’s stop pretending we have no idea where this comes from:

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And can we stop pretending as if these supposed “rules” actually mean anything, or are ever actually enforced:

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Medievalpoc has received tens of thousands of hits from this particular subreddit from more than 60 separate threads, some of which have hundreds of derogatory comments, using slurs, threats, and racist ‘jokes’.

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And it is somehow a “coincidence” that I have had to speak to police four times and make official reports due to threats, stalking, harassment, and other nastiness? That people have followed me around in person without my knowledge or consent because of this? People have circumvented the “ignore” function by creating accounts just to send racial slurs and threats.

The rest of this is going under a cut, because it is truly horrific. Please proceed with caution.

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